Who is the world wants to go into public relations?
Sure, there are some perks, if you decide to work for a corporation. Only 1 client. Lots of events to attend. And then there’s the dark side.
“Sorry, all you people living in middle America. Remember that pipeline we told you about? You know, the one that was indestructible? Well, turns out, it was actually reclassified as nearly indestructible. That’s right, we had a small problem with the pipeline over night. A large tractor trailer hauling livestock to the local auction skidded off the road and hit the pipeline.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear your question in the back.
“The condition of the pipeline? Well, when the truck hit the pipe, it was at such an angle that the pipe actually split, dumping 10,000 gallons per hour of unrefined oil.
“Where’s the split? Um, if you look at this map over my shoulder, yes, this one, George. Yes, I know it’s of Iowa. Let me finish, okay. So, the split, it is actually over central Iowa. Don’t worry, though, because clean up crews are going to be out there as soon as we assemble them.
“They haven’t notified the crews yet. We didn’t want to wake them in the middle of the night without a plan. How are we going to get them there? Charter a bus? A plane? Drive separately? Maybe a few should car pool? Lots of details we have to get worked out yet.
“No, we don’t know if the oil has contaminated the water there yet. We did shut down that section of the pipeline, though, so we are quite confident that only about a million gallons of the crude leaked out.
“The soil? Again, we are talking about central Iowa, America’s heartland. At this time, we don’t know how crops are affected.
“No, George, I don’t know if the crops were corn or soybeans. You’ll have to wait for that information.
“The livestock? Personally, I heard it was pigs but someone else said chickens and then all of a sudden there’s a cow stuck in some crude-rich dirt up to her udder.
“That’s right, George, I said udder. It’s spelled U-D-D-E-R, udder.
“That’s all the information we have on this small incident at this time. The clean up crew will be getting their call in a few hours, so we won’t have another update for about another 24 hours. See you then.”
And that’s how I imagine a bad day at the office while working public relations looks like.